I just wanna say that...

You know you're running really, really ridiculously late when you have to eat your breakfast in the shower. Yeah, that was me this morning.

I love making lists.

It's a simple, uncomplicated way of getting my thoughts out, so here...
Things that made me happy this week:
-Sparrows
-Study Hall
-Long talks with Sarah
-Brownies
-African bird pepper (it hurts so good, you should try it)
-Creeping on the people in the car next to us
-Standing in Farm Fresh for like an hour just reading magazines
-The fact that my Mom bought Hebrew National hot dogs just for me, because she knows they're my favorite. It's not a kosher thing, I just think they taste the best.
-Popsicles
-Talking to Bethany during Love Comes Softly ;)
-Texting Natasha even though it's super late
-Crazy, random, yet hilarious dreams
-Watching Glee for the first time ever
-Natasha's morning texts
-Finishing the Scarlet Letter in English class. Yeah, baby! No more warped, Hawthorne symbolism for this girl!
-Chelsea Cameron
-The fact that Jesse and Sunnee's wedding is in 3 weeks!
-Talking to both twins on the phone at the same time, it had been so long since we did that
-Waking up with songs in my head
-Quotes from Shakespeare and Gandhi
-Switchfoot
-Expanding my vocabulary (Extrapolate, incoherent, didactic, conjecture, adroit...)
-Sarah's quirky creativity...man, I love that girl
-Thoughts of summer

Well, that's pretty much it. I just like life so much more when I dwell on the positive.

If I could go back.

I'd like to sit down with her, with my 13 year old self
And tell her so many things
The me back then was so...so lost
That's the only way I can put it
I know 4 years doesn't seem that long
And the gap of 13 to 17 seems pretty tiny in the long-run
But, to me, it's like that girl wasn't even me
And the person I think of when I picture myself then
That person I think of doesn't exist anymore
But if I could reach her somehow
Pull her aside at the skatepark, as she was snapping on her red helmet
I would look into her face, into her eyes
Her eyes that are guarded, hiding so many, many things
Her eyes that are flooded with an echoing sadness, a whispering shame
And I'd tell her all the things, the beautiful, wondrous things God has in store for her
I'd tell her that He is a Jealous Lover, and all this other stuff she's chasing after is a big, fat waste of time
And that she shouldn't worry about these people, these things, that are all so temporary
But the most important thing I'd want to tell her
Isn't really anything I can put into words
Actually, she'd just have to learn it for herself
And, by the grace of God, she did
I did.

Because the girl I'd like to go back and have a word with
The girl in the torn up skate shoes that was choking on regrets
That girl isn't me
She isn't real anymore
Because a Savior reached out his nail-punctured hand
Because a Carpenter called to me, called my name
And I finally had the sense to listen, to look up
Because of this Lord, this Jesus of Nazareth, my Lord
I'm not who I was
I'm not who I was.
And that's something that girl, the 13 year old me, will understand in time.

Various Idiosyncrasies...

1. I have this thing for birds. I can't explain it.

(Photo by the very lovely and talented Sarah Youmans)

2. And whenever I see them, like a flock of them, I chase them. I can't help it.

(Photo by the very lovely and talented Sarah Youmans, whom I love and share a brain with)

3. I really want a basset hound like this:


4. My dream car is a green Toyota FJ Cruiser. Yes, really.


&

5. I wish I had hair like Freida Pinto.


That's all for the random, off topic-ness. Mostly I just wanted to mess around with the picture uploader, see how it works.
So there ya go.

"That which is before you is less than what you've come through."

That's an old Yoruba saying that encouraged me so much. Thanks, Natasha :)
Lately I've just been so anxious to finish school and move on with my life. And, as my junior year is coming to a close, I get so restless when I think about how I have a whole year to get through before I'm finally free. Before I can graduate. But "that which I have before me is less than what I've come through." I have so much behind me, and just a little left to go. I'm just impatient sometimes. In a rush for what lies ahead.
And yet, there's so much to look forward to in the meantime, so many beautiful moments in between. To be honest, if I fast-forwarded my life to my graduation, skipping over everything else, I'd feel pretty cheated. There would be so much I missed out on. So many inside jokes, holidays, conversations. Moments of uncontrollable laughter, of awe, of sheer wonder. I would miss out on those experiences. Those lovely, memorable instances and occurences and incidents. The times spent with people I love, people that inspire me, people that speak into my life. There's so much that takes place in the midst of waiting. So much that touches your heart, cracks you up, moves your spirit. So much happens in the season that leads up to what you've been so restlessly awaiting, what you've been counting down the days for.
And, even those days when the wait seems maddening, even those days when it seems like graduation will never come, I don't want to miss any of it. I don't want to miss any of those beautiful in-between moments. Because, really, each new day is a gift, and there will never, ever be another one like it. And I know that someday soon (though it doesn't seem soon now), high school, graduation, all of it will be in the past, just in my memory.
This time of expectancy, this time of eagerness and impatience, is a gift all its own. A season filled with so many wondrous, hilarious, joyful, terrible, trivial, astonishing, tender, devastating, warm, aching, amusing, breath-taking moments that bide the time. The wait is a gift in itself. Without the wait, we wouldn't have anything to look forward to.

Abundant sunshine

I was watching the Weather Channel this morning, and the forecast for today was "Abundant Sunshine"
This made me smile, because it feels like this whole week has been abundant sunshine. It's been a great spring break, it really has. Short, but awesome.
(Ok, I have this thing for making lists. So, expect them a lot.)
Here's how I spent my spring break:
-Catching up on sleep. Ah.
-Laying out in my backyard and getting deep-fried by the sun because I was stingy with the sunscreen.
-Sitting in on a class at Bethel College
-Hanging out with Bethel Master's Commission, observing what they do, what their days are like, and whatnot.
-More chillin with Master's. They're all really, really awesome people. And, just being around them, you can tell God's hand is on them. They are full of such light and such promise, God has incredible things in store for them!
-Spending the night at Natasha's house. Long, hilarious, late-night conversations over delicious Nigerian food, Mulan at 3 am, How to Train Your Dragon, loitering in Books a Million,and so much more. We decided that we're spiritual twins :)
-Spending the day with some of my Fine Arts teammates. Playing games, eating pizza, talking, making epic techno dance videos in the elevator, and such.
-And pretty much just enjoying the much-needed taste of summer and break from school.

It's been a really fun spring break. Full of amazing people, memorable and hilarious conversations, and just general tomfoolery.