Even though I'm not big on caffeine, I love the smell of it. The richness, the culture. It's like a way of life.
I love to make little hearts with the cream at the top of whatever drink I'm making. It doesn't matter if the customer never sees it, it's still so fun to do.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Sayonara, Facebook.
So. I'm deleting my facebook within the next few days. I've already saved all precious pictures from my profile to my computer. I've posted an official announcement in my status. It's happening.
Facebook's just getting really lame. And, I mean, it's not that I don't like change. Change can be a good thing. But I'm also a paranoid kind of girl. And the stalker-ish-ness of the new Facebook is just really starting to creep me the heck out. And it's just going to get worse. So I'm leaving. Permanently. I really hope Facebook dumps all my information because that's just really creepy if they keep it. The "big brother's watching" feeling I have is bad enough now, what if I delete it and I'm still not free? Okay, chill.
I'm sure I'll be fine. In every regard. I mean, everybody was just fine before Facebook came along, and Myspace before that. The way I see it, the people that want to stay in my life are going to make the effort. I have a cell phone. Call me, text me, if you want to do something. And I have this blog for anybody who cares about my life.
I know I'm going to miss it. I love being connected to those people I don't get to see all the time. And, in a way, I feel like I'm deleting a part of my life. But I know I'll be okay.
And, who knows? Maybe I'll try Twitter one of these days.
Facebook's just getting really lame. And, I mean, it's not that I don't like change. Change can be a good thing. But I'm also a paranoid kind of girl. And the stalker-ish-ness of the new Facebook is just really starting to creep me the heck out. And it's just going to get worse. So I'm leaving. Permanently. I really hope Facebook dumps all my information because that's just really creepy if they keep it. The "big brother's watching" feeling I have is bad enough now, what if I delete it and I'm still not free? Okay, chill.
I'm sure I'll be fine. In every regard. I mean, everybody was just fine before Facebook came along, and Myspace before that. The way I see it, the people that want to stay in my life are going to make the effort. I have a cell phone. Call me, text me, if you want to do something. And I have this blog for anybody who cares about my life.
I know I'm going to miss it. I love being connected to those people I don't get to see all the time. And, in a way, I feel like I'm deleting a part of my life. But I know I'll be okay.
And, who knows? Maybe I'll try Twitter one of these days.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
You were the only one that didn't fold, but I just broke right down for you in an attempt to gain your trust.
My mom had a corneal transplant two days ago and is on bed rest for the next ten days, doctor's orders. She's doing fine, it's just she can't DO anything. It's so weird, being the one taking care of her. The roles are reversed. I went grocery shopping for my family so we'd actually have food to eat. It was weird. I felt like such a mom. It made me realize how you never actually consciously grow up and get all responsible, it just happens. Sneaks up on you. It hit me how much stronger I've become over these past few years, how much I can handle. Thank You, God.
I went back to visit my old high school today. I hadn't planned on it, it just happened. I got off work around 11 and realized I needed to request my high school transcripts be sent to Liberty like PRONTO. So I got that taken care of and also just got to visit with people. Awesome teachers, some friends in grades below me. It was SO GOOD to see all of them. I was so encouraged by some of my teachers. They really just brightened my day with how much they care about my life and what happens to me. It means so much, seriously. The only awkward part about visiting would be when people were like, "So how's school going? Where are you at again?" and I would have to explain the whole Regent/Thomas Nelson thing and how I'm just working right now. But they love that I'm starting Liberty in January. They all said it would be such a great fit for me. I agree, I really do.
Also. I want fall. I'm tired of it being a little tease and playing hard to get. GET HERE. I want scarves and sweaters and chilliness. I wanna carve pumpkins and see the leaves change. I want it. The romantic-ness of it, the melancholia.
I went back to visit my old high school today. I hadn't planned on it, it just happened. I got off work around 11 and realized I needed to request my high school transcripts be sent to Liberty like PRONTO. So I got that taken care of and also just got to visit with people. Awesome teachers, some friends in grades below me. It was SO GOOD to see all of them. I was so encouraged by some of my teachers. They really just brightened my day with how much they care about my life and what happens to me. It means so much, seriously. The only awkward part about visiting would be when people were like, "So how's school going? Where are you at again?" and I would have to explain the whole Regent/Thomas Nelson thing and how I'm just working right now. But they love that I'm starting Liberty in January. They all said it would be such a great fit for me. I agree, I really do.
Also. I want fall. I'm tired of it being a little tease and playing hard to get. GET HERE. I want scarves and sweaters and chilliness. I wanna carve pumpkins and see the leaves change. I want it. The romantic-ness of it, the melancholia.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Who are these people that show up in my dreams?
I had a dream last night/early this morning that I was really, really sick and no one could figure out what was wrong with me. I was having these unspeakably horrible headaches that would NOT go away. Like, even though it was a dream, I could feel them, like a thousand knives in my brain. I was really scared of what the doctor would say, but trying to put on a brave face for my family. But here’s where it gets weird and awesome and beautiful. This is why I’m blogging about it, to write it all down so I won’t forget it. I was waiting to be seen by the doctor, my mom was in the examination room with me and for some reason my brother was in there too. When the doctor walked in, I was struck by how staggeringly handsome, kind, and young he looked. He had to be at least 26 or so to be a resident, he was tall and muscular with this crazy blonde curly hair that just worked on him. And his eyes. They were so light and dazzling. I'd never seen eyes like his. He was, well, beautiful. So of course, I began to feel even more nervous, but for different reasons. When he shook my hand and introduced himself, he held on to it for a long time and leaned over and kissed my cheek. For some reason, it didn’t seem weird. Then he asked me a bunch of questions. Apparently in the dream, I’d just returned from a mission trip to somewhere in Africa. He asked if the headaches started while I was there, I told him yes.
His eyes were so kind and concerned and beautiful as he leaned in close to me and told me he was going to pray for me for a few minutes. I said okay and he took my hands. I don’t remember what he said in the prayer, but after it was done he explained what was causing my headaches. He told me someone, a witchdoctor maybe, had put a curse on me while I was in Africa. I remember, in my dream, I felt scared and shut my eyes, and in my mind’s eye I saw this ugly, scary-looking mask and realized that this young doctor was right. My hands began to tremble a little and he squeezed them tight, told me the curse was gone now, that it’s been prayed off of me. That’s when I noticed my headaches were gone.
I was so happy I wanted to cry, but instead I hugged this man for a long time, just thanking him over and over. He told me he wasn’t the one to thank. It was so weird, I can’t even explain it. But it was like then, I knew, just knew, I was going to marry him.
And then I woke up. It was such a vivid dream and I didn’t want it to end. All I’m wondering now is if this guy really exists? I hope so. I really do.
His eyes were so kind and concerned and beautiful as he leaned in close to me and told me he was going to pray for me for a few minutes. I said okay and he took my hands. I don’t remember what he said in the prayer, but after it was done he explained what was causing my headaches. He told me someone, a witchdoctor maybe, had put a curse on me while I was in Africa. I remember, in my dream, I felt scared and shut my eyes, and in my mind’s eye I saw this ugly, scary-looking mask and realized that this young doctor was right. My hands began to tremble a little and he squeezed them tight, told me the curse was gone now, that it’s been prayed off of me. That’s when I noticed my headaches were gone.
I was so happy I wanted to cry, but instead I hugged this man for a long time, just thanking him over and over. He told me he wasn’t the one to thank. It was so weird, I can’t even explain it. But it was like then, I knew, just knew, I was going to marry him.
And then I woke up. It was such a vivid dream and I didn’t want it to end. All I’m wondering now is if this guy really exists? I hope so. I really do.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Various musings from a notebook.
You have old eyes.
The kind that say you've seen too much.
Our scars are so much the same.
You're familiar.
That old, angry song
You know it too
You've heard it too
The screaming, razor-sharp words
That old, tired dance
Of broken glass
And torn photographs
You've seen it too.
In that way, we're the same.
The same fears.
The same questions.
Wondering if love really exists.
If it does, can it really work?
Can it last?
-November 2010
He met her under the streetlight.
Tan corduroy jacket zipped up, speckled with icy flakes.
Hands jammed into the front pockets of his dark wash jeans.
Old beat-up Pumas covered in slush.
Snow in his hair, hair in his face.
She ran to him, half-slipping in the ice.
His arms caught her, pulled her to him.
-Snow Day; December 26, 2010
This is from a dream I had a few months ago that I had fallen in love with a boy who was HIV-positive:
He had the sun in his hair
And sadness in his eyes
As he spoke of disease and anger and
careless mothers using filthy needles.
I wanted to kiss the quivering out of his hands, kiss the pain off his face,
kiss away his sickness.
But I couldn't.
All I could do was sit there across from him
And listen as he told me about the betrayal of his own blood, his body.
About the kaleidoscope of pills he has to take every single day.
About how he could never give me the life I wanted.
The children I wanted.
But I didn't care.
All I wanted was him.
And every second, every minute, every day, month, year I get to spend with him
No matter how hard or sad
Would be so worth it.
-I woke up crying from this dream. It seriously felt so real.
The kind that say you've seen too much.
Our scars are so much the same.
You're familiar.
That old, angry song
You know it too
You've heard it too
The screaming, razor-sharp words
That old, tired dance
Of broken glass
And torn photographs
You've seen it too.
In that way, we're the same.
The same fears.
The same questions.
Wondering if love really exists.
If it does, can it really work?
Can it last?
-November 2010
He met her under the streetlight.
Tan corduroy jacket zipped up, speckled with icy flakes.
Hands jammed into the front pockets of his dark wash jeans.
Old beat-up Pumas covered in slush.
Snow in his hair, hair in his face.
She ran to him, half-slipping in the ice.
His arms caught her, pulled her to him.
-Snow Day; December 26, 2010
This is from a dream I had a few months ago that I had fallen in love with a boy who was HIV-positive:
He had the sun in his hair
And sadness in his eyes
As he spoke of disease and anger and
careless mothers using filthy needles.
I wanted to kiss the quivering out of his hands, kiss the pain off his face,
kiss away his sickness.
But I couldn't.
All I could do was sit there across from him
And listen as he told me about the betrayal of his own blood, his body.
About the kaleidoscope of pills he has to take every single day.
About how he could never give me the life I wanted.
The children I wanted.
But I didn't care.
All I wanted was him.
And every second, every minute, every day, month, year I get to spend with him
No matter how hard or sad
Would be so worth it.
-I woke up crying from this dream. It seriously felt so real.
Monday, September 12, 2011
True, I talk of dreams. Which are the children of an idle brain, begot of nothing but vain fantasy.
MERCUTIO: O, then I see Queen Mab hath been with you.
She is the fairies' midwife, and she comes
In shape no bigger than an agate stone
On the forefinger of an alderman,
Drawn with a team of little atomies
Over men's noses as they lie asleep;
Her wagon spokes made of long spinners' legs,
The cover, of the wings of grasshoppers;
Her traces, of the smallest spider web;
Her collars, of the moonshine's wat'ry beams;
Her whip, of cricket's bone; the lash, of film;
Her wagoner, a small grey-coated gnat,
Not half so big as a round little worm
Pricked from the lazy finger of a maid;
Her chariot is an empty hazelnut,
Made by the joiner squirrel or old grub,
Time out o' mind the fairies' coachmakers.
And in this state she gallops night by night
Through lovers' brains, and then they dream of love;
O'er courtiers' knees, that dream on curtsies straight;
O'er lawyers' fingers, who straight dream on fees;
O'er ladies' lips, who straight on kisses dream,
Which oft the angry Mab with blisters plagues,
Because their breaths with sweetmeats tainted are.
Sometimes she gallops o'er a courtier's nose,
And then dreams he of smelling out a suit;
And sometimes comes she with a tithe-pig's tail
Tickling a parson's nose as 'a lies asleep,
Then dreams he of another benefice.
Sometimes she driveth o'er a soldier's neck,
And then dreams he of cutting foreign throats,
Of breaches, ambuscadoes, Spanish blades,
Of healths five fathom deep; and then anon
Drums in his ear, at which he starts and wakes,
And being thus frighted, swears a prayer or two
And sleeps again. This is that very Mab
That plats the manes of horses in the night
And bakes the elflocks in foul sluttish hairs,
Which once untangled much misfortune bodes.
This is the hag, when maids lie on their backs,
That presses them and learns them first to bear,
Making them women of good carriage.
This is she!
Mmmmm....Love this. Love it. If I ever auditioned for a Shakespeare play, I would read this. And I would kill it. Just like the guy that played Mercutio in the 1968 movie absolutely killed it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsRQSazjl4U&feature=related
She is the fairies' midwife, and she comes
In shape no bigger than an agate stone
On the forefinger of an alderman,
Drawn with a team of little atomies
Over men's noses as they lie asleep;
Her wagon spokes made of long spinners' legs,
The cover, of the wings of grasshoppers;
Her traces, of the smallest spider web;
Her collars, of the moonshine's wat'ry beams;
Her whip, of cricket's bone; the lash, of film;
Her wagoner, a small grey-coated gnat,
Not half so big as a round little worm
Pricked from the lazy finger of a maid;
Her chariot is an empty hazelnut,
Made by the joiner squirrel or old grub,
Time out o' mind the fairies' coachmakers.
And in this state she gallops night by night
Through lovers' brains, and then they dream of love;
O'er courtiers' knees, that dream on curtsies straight;
O'er lawyers' fingers, who straight dream on fees;
O'er ladies' lips, who straight on kisses dream,
Which oft the angry Mab with blisters plagues,
Because their breaths with sweetmeats tainted are.
Sometimes she gallops o'er a courtier's nose,
And then dreams he of smelling out a suit;
And sometimes comes she with a tithe-pig's tail
Tickling a parson's nose as 'a lies asleep,
Then dreams he of another benefice.
Sometimes she driveth o'er a soldier's neck,
And then dreams he of cutting foreign throats,
Of breaches, ambuscadoes, Spanish blades,
Of healths five fathom deep; and then anon
Drums in his ear, at which he starts and wakes,
And being thus frighted, swears a prayer or two
And sleeps again. This is that very Mab
That plats the manes of horses in the night
And bakes the elflocks in foul sluttish hairs,
Which once untangled much misfortune bodes.
This is the hag, when maids lie on their backs,
That presses them and learns them first to bear,
Making them women of good carriage.
This is she!
Mmmmm....Love this. Love it. If I ever auditioned for a Shakespeare play, I would read this. And I would kill it. Just like the guy that played Mercutio in the 1968 movie absolutely killed it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsRQSazjl4U&feature=related
A selfish post.
These are things that I want. Don't need them. Just want them.
-Scarves. A bright red knit one, in particular.
-Beautiful, long, luscious hair like Selena Gomez or stupid Kim Kardashian. They're SO beautiful. Ugh, it's disgusting.
-Clothes. Because it's not like I have plenty already or anything.
Man. I'm making myself sick. Lemme stop.
-Scarves. A bright red knit one, in particular.
-Beautiful, long, luscious hair like Selena Gomez or stupid Kim Kardashian. They're SO beautiful. Ugh, it's disgusting.
-Clothes. Because it's not like I have plenty already or anything.
Man. I'm making myself sick. Lemme stop.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
So I've been looking through some old pictures...
And some things never change...
I've always loved dinosaurs. Especially triceratopses.
I've always been a bit of a risk-taker.
And I've ALWAYS been a Daddy's girl.
I've always loved dinosaurs. Especially triceratopses.
I've always been a bit of a risk-taker.
And I've ALWAYS been a Daddy's girl.
I want you to think it's cute that I can speak skater.
And that I'm really random and quirky.
I hope so much that I can make you laugh, that's the greatest feeling for me.
Can you just get me?
And know me?
And love me all the same?
In spite of and because of me.
I know you're out there. But sometimes I think you're not. Because I feel like no one ever looks at me that way. And whenever someone has, they're the wrong someone for me.
Can I just have you? The right someone, right for me in every little way I've ever wanted and prayed for?
The one that will take me ice skating and hold my hand to keep me from falling.
The one. You.
I had a dream last night that this big fat guy was telling me he didn't think I was pretty. And in my dream, I was like really defiant and said, "Why would I care if you don't think I'm pretty?! I think I'm pretty and that's ALL THAT MATTERS." Bahahaha, man.
And it's true, I don't care what others think. I only care that I like myself.
But for real, it would be nice to have the right someone like me, too. Think I'm beautiful and worth pursuing and calling and asking out. Not just, "oh, yeah, she's nice." but, "I want her to be my wife. I want to watch Spongebob and Locked Up Abroad with her for the rest of my life. I love the way she always smells like coconut and sings Bollywood songs. I love her face. Her dimple. Everything about her." Yeah. That would be really nice. To have him feel that way, and me to feel that way about him.
I know it's coming. I just gotta be patient.
He's coming.
اما بزرگترین این عشق است
I hope so much that I can make you laugh, that's the greatest feeling for me.
Can you just get me?
And know me?
And love me all the same?
In spite of and because of me.
I know you're out there. But sometimes I think you're not. Because I feel like no one ever looks at me that way. And whenever someone has, they're the wrong someone for me.
Can I just have you? The right someone, right for me in every little way I've ever wanted and prayed for?
The one that will take me ice skating and hold my hand to keep me from falling.
The one. You.
I had a dream last night that this big fat guy was telling me he didn't think I was pretty. And in my dream, I was like really defiant and said, "Why would I care if you don't think I'm pretty?! I think I'm pretty and that's ALL THAT MATTERS." Bahahaha, man.
And it's true, I don't care what others think. I only care that I like myself.
But for real, it would be nice to have the right someone like me, too. Think I'm beautiful and worth pursuing and calling and asking out. Not just, "oh, yeah, she's nice." but, "I want her to be my wife. I want to watch Spongebob and Locked Up Abroad with her for the rest of my life. I love the way she always smells like coconut and sings Bollywood songs. I love her face. Her dimple. Everything about her." Yeah. That would be really nice. To have him feel that way, and me to feel that way about him.
I know it's coming. I just gotta be patient.
He's coming.
اما بزرگترین این عشق است
Friday, September 9, 2011
Saying Goodbye.
So much is changing. And that's okay.
I get that it happens, that it's all part of growing up. But it's just sad.
People I thought would be in my life forever, I'm slowly finding out, are becoming totally different people from who I thought they were. And they don't even really want me in their lives anymore. I guess the one friend that's still gonna tell you the truth about why what you're doing is wrong can be a real buzz-kill. Yet I still answer the phone when they need to dump on me about their problems and ask me to pray for them. I will always answer the phone. But it's been ringing less and less. But I guess that's okay.
I said goodbye to a dear friend yesterday who's leaving for college this weekend. She's moving very far away and I won't see her again for three months. Which I know will fly by, that's not the problem. I'm just worried what I'll find when she comes back. I will still love her regardless, but still. I hate to see my friends make so much unnecessary baggage for themselves by the choices they make. It makes me sad.
So anyway, after work yesterday, we hung out for a few hours. We just walked around and she told me about what's been going on in her life. She was different, but still the same. She's just a girl trying to live her life the way she wants to. In ways I don't really think will do her much good. But I only give my advice when she asks it, and I never judge her. Those are things I've learned.
I love her. I really do. I just want her to be happy. And maybe she is. But I don't want her to wake up one day years down the road and think, "How'd I get here?" I don't want her to hurt and regret and not value herself.
But I guess it's really not my responsibility. It's her life and she's going to live it. All I can do is love her. And pray. Which I do, so much.
When we were saying goodbye yesterday I told her I loved her and we hugged a lot. But before I got out of her car the last things I said to her were, "Be safe." She said she would. And, "Don't be stupid." She said she wouldn't.
We have the kind of friendship where we understand each other. We just get the other. So she knew what those two little commands meant.
"Be safe" = Don't die, get pregnant, touch drugs, or get yourself seriously injured.
"Don't be stupid" = Don't get pregnant or put yourself in dangerous situations where the above list could occur.
She's a smart girl, though. In the sense that I know she's going to be all right no matter what goes down.
I just. I just want her to know she doesn't need the stuff she thinks she does. That it doesn't have what she's looking for.
Life. Change. Adulthood. Ehh.
I get that it happens, that it's all part of growing up. But it's just sad.
People I thought would be in my life forever, I'm slowly finding out, are becoming totally different people from who I thought they were. And they don't even really want me in their lives anymore. I guess the one friend that's still gonna tell you the truth about why what you're doing is wrong can be a real buzz-kill. Yet I still answer the phone when they need to dump on me about their problems and ask me to pray for them. I will always answer the phone. But it's been ringing less and less. But I guess that's okay.
I said goodbye to a dear friend yesterday who's leaving for college this weekend. She's moving very far away and I won't see her again for three months. Which I know will fly by, that's not the problem. I'm just worried what I'll find when she comes back. I will still love her regardless, but still. I hate to see my friends make so much unnecessary baggage for themselves by the choices they make. It makes me sad.
So anyway, after work yesterday, we hung out for a few hours. We just walked around and she told me about what's been going on in her life. She was different, but still the same. She's just a girl trying to live her life the way she wants to. In ways I don't really think will do her much good. But I only give my advice when she asks it, and I never judge her. Those are things I've learned.
I love her. I really do. I just want her to be happy. And maybe she is. But I don't want her to wake up one day years down the road and think, "How'd I get here?" I don't want her to hurt and regret and not value herself.
But I guess it's really not my responsibility. It's her life and she's going to live it. All I can do is love her. And pray. Which I do, so much.
When we were saying goodbye yesterday I told her I loved her and we hugged a lot. But before I got out of her car the last things I said to her were, "Be safe." She said she would. And, "Don't be stupid." She said she wouldn't.
We have the kind of friendship where we understand each other. We just get the other. So she knew what those two little commands meant.
"Be safe" = Don't die, get pregnant, touch drugs, or get yourself seriously injured.
"Don't be stupid" = Don't get pregnant or put yourself in dangerous situations where the above list could occur.
She's a smart girl, though. In the sense that I know she's going to be all right no matter what goes down.
I just. I just want her to know she doesn't need the stuff she thinks she does. That it doesn't have what she's looking for.
Life. Change. Adulthood. Ehh.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Hey. This is for you. And you. And you.
Darling. I see you. I know you're wondering where I am. But I'm coming. I am.
You. Yes, you. The one that answered the phone all those times I needed to hear someone's voice. You are so beautiful and unique and worthy of love and affection and devotion. It's going to take someone worthy. Someone really worthy. But he's out there. And my heart hurts to know how much you hurt. I love you. So much. Even if it's not what you're wanting, it's there.
Girl. Stop it. Please, you're tearing me up inside.
It's raining right now.
And now it's not.
You. Yes, you. The one that answered the phone all those times I needed to hear someone's voice. You are so beautiful and unique and worthy of love and affection and devotion. It's going to take someone worthy. Someone really worthy. But he's out there. And my heart hurts to know how much you hurt. I love you. So much. Even if it's not what you're wanting, it's there.
Girl. Stop it. Please, you're tearing me up inside.
It's raining right now.
And now it's not.
It's been a long time. But I have returned!
Seven months. It's been seven. months. Since I last blogged. And, oh, have I missed it.
So, you see, what happened was. I may or may not have tried out tumblr. Okay, I did.
And I thought it was pretty great. But, just for the record, I had no intention of ditching this blog. I love this blog, I wouldn't do that. But, okay, so tumblr was fun and all until it gave my little pink laptop a horrendous virus and pretty much killed it. For real, she's dead. Forever. I trusted tumblr and that's what it did to me. :( It had a sketch side to it anyway, I'm better off without it. But I really miss my laptop.
So, I haven't been able to get on my blog with my laptop being dead. The only other computer I have access to has a really strict, temperamental filter that blocked blogger for some reason. But then when I tried today it let me through! So yay! I'm not really sure why, but I won't question it.
So, man. There's no way I can fill you in on everything that's gone on in the past half a year or so. But it's been...it's been good. It's been crazy. But God is so good.
This has been (some of) my life:
-Decided in March that I wanted to go to Regent University.
-Graduated from high school with high honors and was the Christian Leadership Award recipient for the class of 2011.
-Found out in mid-July that Regent just wasn't going to work out. Loooong story.
-Decided I'd go to Thomas Nelson Community College for a year and transfer somewhere else.
And then, you see, I went there. To that place. I can't even describe what made it so horrible besides just the utter wrong-ness of it. I seriously have never cried more than when I started going there. I just hated it. So much. I was miserable and not learning anything besides "How to Lose Faith in Mankind 101."
So, I dropped all my classes, returned my books, and got a refund.
Sooo, looks like I'm taking the semester off. The plan is to work, save up some cash, and get ready to start college (REAL college) in the spring.
My list of constructive, semi-adult things I plan to do while taking a gap semester:
-Work. I got a job. In the cutest coffee shop ever called EspressOasis. I'm a barista. I've seriously always wanted to be a barista and it is GLORIOUS. I love it so much I can't even describe it. The best part is the smell. Coffee. Espresso. Vanilla. Chai. YESSS. And, for real, it just suits me like destiny. I get to wear this awesome purple apron and meet/talk to people and make drinks and it is just so fun. For real. So, I'll be taking on more shifts. Because I can. And because I love it.
-Getting into/getting ready for/saving up for/getting grants and scholarships and taking out loans for college. I'm thinking Liberty University. Also a very long story with God all up in it. Okay, yes, I hated on it. I made zombie brain-washing jokes and told my friends who were going there not to drink the kool-aid. But it's different now. I'm different. And too many God-things have happened for me not to think it's the place for me.
-Teaching myself Farsi. I finally have time. I'm going to do it.
-Skateboard. Okay, not very grown up. But who cares? Girls skate for free at Meko's ALL THE TIME. I'd be dumb not to take advantage while I'm still here!
-Master the interstate. Because I'm still intimidated.
-Chain-read. And write. A lot. This blog will be very busy, I think. :)
Hmm, what else? I guess that's all I got for now.
So today was my last day at Thomas Nelson and it was actually pretty cool. I went over there (for the last time!!!!) to return my books and get whatever money I could for them (college book stores are nothing but glorified robbery). Then I was going to meet up with my friend Sam. We were going to have lunch and skype Valerie (his girlfriend and one of my best friends in the universe).
As I'm making my way over to meet him, I hear someone calling my name. I look over and see a guy I knew from middle school. We were in the same English class this semester, so we both knew the other went here but I hadn't been expecting to run into him today. Now, okay, to be honest here, I don't particularly like running into this guy. He makes me uncomfortable. But not for the reason you'd think. I don't like seeing him because it makes me remember how wrong I treated him in middle school. Everyone did, and it was not okay at all. So, even though I've apologized to him and asked the Lord to forgive me, I would still feel a little ashamed whenever I ran into him. Today wasn't any different. So, automatically, I'm thinking "oh great..." He says he needs some advice and that he's sinned. Again, my brain's going "SOS. Abort. Abort."
Now, this guy knows I'm a Christian. In fact, that's all we really talked about whenever we had English class together. He could never get over how different I was from back in middle school and I couldn't stop telling him about Jesus.
So, I guess it would make sense for him to come to me today. But I'm no priest. And this is not a confessional. So, right up front, I tell him he doesn't have to tell me. He can tell Jesus and He will forgive Him, whatever it is. He tells me I'm right but he has a question for me. My mind racing, I ask, "What is it?" And he asks me what he can do to get his family back in church. This is something I'm personally dealing with right now with my brother, so I can relate. We talked for a few minutes, about how you can't force anyone to do anything, they have to want it for themselves. That's definitely something I've learned and it's so true. I told him, among other things, to pray for them and to lead by example. Then as we're walking I find myself telling him again about how much Jesus has changed my life, about how other things claim to be the answer but HE is the only answer. That He is the only thing that will truly change his life because He is the only one with the power. I tell him to remember that. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Then we parted ways. Who knows if I'll ever see him again? But I'm glad I got to say those things to him. I'm glad I was able to be used by God in that place one more time.
Oh, hey. My hair is short. And black. Valerie dyed it for me one night at like 11 pm because I asked her to. She did a great job, but I do kinda miss my natural color. It was fun to try it out, though, see how I liked it. I got my third hole, too. Like two days after graduating, I got it. So now just one ear has three holes. I have an elephant stud in it right now :) Still really obsessed with elephants. They're so majestic.
Ha, okay. What else to say? I feel like there's so much to fill you in on, but I really can't. There's been so much and yet there hasn't at the same time. Ah, well. That's all I have for now anyway, I covered the big stuff.
So, you see, what happened was. I may or may not have tried out tumblr. Okay, I did.
And I thought it was pretty great. But, just for the record, I had no intention of ditching this blog. I love this blog, I wouldn't do that. But, okay, so tumblr was fun and all until it gave my little pink laptop a horrendous virus and pretty much killed it. For real, she's dead. Forever. I trusted tumblr and that's what it did to me. :( It had a sketch side to it anyway, I'm better off without it. But I really miss my laptop.
So, I haven't been able to get on my blog with my laptop being dead. The only other computer I have access to has a really strict, temperamental filter that blocked blogger for some reason. But then when I tried today it let me through! So yay! I'm not really sure why, but I won't question it.
So, man. There's no way I can fill you in on everything that's gone on in the past half a year or so. But it's been...it's been good. It's been crazy. But God is so good.
This has been (some of) my life:
-Decided in March that I wanted to go to Regent University.
-Graduated from high school with high honors and was the Christian Leadership Award recipient for the class of 2011.
-Found out in mid-July that Regent just wasn't going to work out. Loooong story.
-Decided I'd go to Thomas Nelson Community College for a year and transfer somewhere else.
And then, you see, I went there. To that place. I can't even describe what made it so horrible besides just the utter wrong-ness of it. I seriously have never cried more than when I started going there. I just hated it. So much. I was miserable and not learning anything besides "How to Lose Faith in Mankind 101."
So, I dropped all my classes, returned my books, and got a refund.
Sooo, looks like I'm taking the semester off. The plan is to work, save up some cash, and get ready to start college (REAL college) in the spring.
My list of constructive, semi-adult things I plan to do while taking a gap semester:
-Work. I got a job. In the cutest coffee shop ever called EspressOasis. I'm a barista. I've seriously always wanted to be a barista and it is GLORIOUS. I love it so much I can't even describe it. The best part is the smell. Coffee. Espresso. Vanilla. Chai. YESSS. And, for real, it just suits me like destiny. I get to wear this awesome purple apron and meet/talk to people and make drinks and it is just so fun. For real. So, I'll be taking on more shifts. Because I can. And because I love it.
-Getting into/getting ready for/saving up for/getting grants and scholarships and taking out loans for college. I'm thinking Liberty University. Also a very long story with God all up in it. Okay, yes, I hated on it. I made zombie brain-washing jokes and told my friends who were going there not to drink the kool-aid. But it's different now. I'm different. And too many God-things have happened for me not to think it's the place for me.
-Teaching myself Farsi. I finally have time. I'm going to do it.
-Skateboard. Okay, not very grown up. But who cares? Girls skate for free at Meko's ALL THE TIME. I'd be dumb not to take advantage while I'm still here!
-Master the interstate. Because I'm still intimidated.
-Chain-read. And write. A lot. This blog will be very busy, I think. :)
Hmm, what else? I guess that's all I got for now.
So today was my last day at Thomas Nelson and it was actually pretty cool. I went over there (for the last time!!!!) to return my books and get whatever money I could for them (college book stores are nothing but glorified robbery). Then I was going to meet up with my friend Sam. We were going to have lunch and skype Valerie (his girlfriend and one of my best friends in the universe).
As I'm making my way over to meet him, I hear someone calling my name. I look over and see a guy I knew from middle school. We were in the same English class this semester, so we both knew the other went here but I hadn't been expecting to run into him today. Now, okay, to be honest here, I don't particularly like running into this guy. He makes me uncomfortable. But not for the reason you'd think. I don't like seeing him because it makes me remember how wrong I treated him in middle school. Everyone did, and it was not okay at all. So, even though I've apologized to him and asked the Lord to forgive me, I would still feel a little ashamed whenever I ran into him. Today wasn't any different. So, automatically, I'm thinking "oh great..." He says he needs some advice and that he's sinned. Again, my brain's going "SOS. Abort. Abort."
Now, this guy knows I'm a Christian. In fact, that's all we really talked about whenever we had English class together. He could never get over how different I was from back in middle school and I couldn't stop telling him about Jesus.
So, I guess it would make sense for him to come to me today. But I'm no priest. And this is not a confessional. So, right up front, I tell him he doesn't have to tell me. He can tell Jesus and He will forgive Him, whatever it is. He tells me I'm right but he has a question for me. My mind racing, I ask, "What is it?" And he asks me what he can do to get his family back in church. This is something I'm personally dealing with right now with my brother, so I can relate. We talked for a few minutes, about how you can't force anyone to do anything, they have to want it for themselves. That's definitely something I've learned and it's so true. I told him, among other things, to pray for them and to lead by example. Then as we're walking I find myself telling him again about how much Jesus has changed my life, about how other things claim to be the answer but HE is the only answer. That He is the only thing that will truly change his life because He is the only one with the power. I tell him to remember that. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Then we parted ways. Who knows if I'll ever see him again? But I'm glad I got to say those things to him. I'm glad I was able to be used by God in that place one more time.
Oh, hey. My hair is short. And black. Valerie dyed it for me one night at like 11 pm because I asked her to. She did a great job, but I do kinda miss my natural color. It was fun to try it out, though, see how I liked it. I got my third hole, too. Like two days after graduating, I got it. So now just one ear has three holes. I have an elephant stud in it right now :) Still really obsessed with elephants. They're so majestic.
Ha, okay. What else to say? I feel like there's so much to fill you in on, but I really can't. There's been so much and yet there hasn't at the same time. Ah, well. That's all I have for now anyway, I covered the big stuff.
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