Things
My Summer Consisted of:
- Skyrim
- Avatar: The Last Airbender (all seasons) and Legend of Korra
- My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
- Late night awesome-ness with some of my best friends in the world
- Richmond trip
- Work
- So many Skype dates
- Christafari
- Wishing I was a mermaid
- Lighting off fireworks for the very first time
- Casablanca
- Actually having a date to a wedding
- So much stressing
- Bilateral foot surgery
- Percocet
- Netflix
- Disney movies
- Pretty Little Liars (I’m not proud)
- Sam
- Sam’s family
For some reason, whenever it finally sinks in that summer's gone, I have to reflect. I have to think about what I did and if I had any particularly notable adventures. And, every single time, I always come up feeling like I missed out. Like I didn't do half the stuff I said I would. Like I wasted summer's sweetness, let it slip through my fingers. I'm realizing, though, that even this, the most ordinary of summers, was so beautiful. Because it was mine. And I grew from it. I learned and I loved and I Skyrim-ed. Yeah, boy. Just kidding. Well, not really.
I strengthened my bond with my inner child. I experienced the joy of being nerdy, getting excited over the seemingly smallest things that can make me SO happy. I spent so much time with him and his family, learning from them and laughing with them, discovering that there is a place for me in their warm, welcoming, perfect chaos.
I temporarily lost my ability to walk. Or move, really, due to painful stitches in the bottoms of both my feet. I crawled everywhere for a while and thanked God every single day that it wasn't forever. Feet are so amazing. You seriously can't do anything without them. I will NEVER take them for granted. Ever.
I wish I could say that I had some kind of crazy amazing revelation about trusting God through all the nasty stress of trying to work out going to college. It was an uphill struggle for so, so long. And, to be honest, even now that I'm finally at Regent I still ask God why. Why am I here? Do You have something for me here? Something I need to learn? I don't know. I really don't. I hate feeling like I'm wasting my time and going into so much debt for something my parents want more than me. But, really, what else could I be doing? As much as I love my coffee shop, I knew I couldn't stay there forever.
It's crazy how much a year can change so much. Change everything. Time has flown by, though it hasn't felt like it. A week from now I'll be halfway through 19. The lessons I've learned in the past six months of being this age alone are unfathomable.
Lessons about what it means to love someone and be loved by them. Really loving them. In a way that's different than any other kind of love. In a way that has its challenges, but is really so easy. It's funny but, as you're learning more and more about this person (because there will ALWAYS be so much to learn) you end up learning so much about yourself. That person becomes like a mirror, sometimes showing you things you don't really like. But it's a good thing, because it helps you change. It helps you shift, lose the selfishness (though that's something that can always stand being worked on) and become better for this person. Because they deserve it. They deserve the best of you, of everything. Yet, they take you for you no matter what. When you are literally at your absolute worst. Throwing up. Being a crazy jerk. Freaking out over something stupid. Crying for no reason. Sam loves me in spite of..because of all of it. And, even though we still have a few more months until our one year, I know it's real. Because of all he's taught me. Because of how he can still a restlessness in my heart with just a look. How he pretends to not notice me taking his french fries because he knows they taste better if they're stolen. How he can tell me everything is going to be alright and, for the first time in my life, I can believe it. I can feel it.
Other lessons, too. About refusing to give up on your dream even when people are attacking it and calling it stupid and impractical. I will write books. That's all I want to do besides serve the Lord and be a wife and mother. And I don't care if you don't think it will work.
I don't know what else to say besides that I'm happy. Happy and scared and young and learning.
I strengthened my bond with my inner child. I experienced the joy of being nerdy, getting excited over the seemingly smallest things that can make me SO happy. I spent so much time with him and his family, learning from them and laughing with them, discovering that there is a place for me in their warm, welcoming, perfect chaos.
I temporarily lost my ability to walk. Or move, really, due to painful stitches in the bottoms of both my feet. I crawled everywhere for a while and thanked God every single day that it wasn't forever. Feet are so amazing. You seriously can't do anything without them. I will NEVER take them for granted. Ever.
I wish I could say that I had some kind of crazy amazing revelation about trusting God through all the nasty stress of trying to work out going to college. It was an uphill struggle for so, so long. And, to be honest, even now that I'm finally at Regent I still ask God why. Why am I here? Do You have something for me here? Something I need to learn? I don't know. I really don't. I hate feeling like I'm wasting my time and going into so much debt for something my parents want more than me. But, really, what else could I be doing? As much as I love my coffee shop, I knew I couldn't stay there forever.
It's crazy how much a year can change so much. Change everything. Time has flown by, though it hasn't felt like it. A week from now I'll be halfway through 19. The lessons I've learned in the past six months of being this age alone are unfathomable.
Lessons about what it means to love someone and be loved by them. Really loving them. In a way that's different than any other kind of love. In a way that has its challenges, but is really so easy. It's funny but, as you're learning more and more about this person (because there will ALWAYS be so much to learn) you end up learning so much about yourself. That person becomes like a mirror, sometimes showing you things you don't really like. But it's a good thing, because it helps you change. It helps you shift, lose the selfishness (though that's something that can always stand being worked on) and become better for this person. Because they deserve it. They deserve the best of you, of everything. Yet, they take you for you no matter what. When you are literally at your absolute worst. Throwing up. Being a crazy jerk. Freaking out over something stupid. Crying for no reason. Sam loves me in spite of..because of all of it. And, even though we still have a few more months until our one year, I know it's real. Because of all he's taught me. Because of how he can still a restlessness in my heart with just a look. How he pretends to not notice me taking his french fries because he knows they taste better if they're stolen. How he can tell me everything is going to be alright and, for the first time in my life, I can believe it. I can feel it.
Other lessons, too. About refusing to give up on your dream even when people are attacking it and calling it stupid and impractical. I will write books. That's all I want to do besides serve the Lord and be a wife and mother. And I don't care if you don't think it will work.
I don't know what else to say besides that I'm happy. Happy and scared and young and learning.
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