It seems like everyone here wears yoga pants.

Could I pull off yoga pants? Do I even want to? They do look comfortable...
But that's not really the point.
The point is that I feel alone here. Not all of the time. But enough. Enough to wonder why I'm even here.
And the worst part is, the problem is really with me, not anyone else. Everyone seems SO nice here, and I'm sure there's tons of people I could hang out with if I reached out. But... I just, feel different. I feel so...not understood. There's no person that will laugh at my random sense of humor anymore, no one who really even gets it. I feel like I'm 14 again, starting high school and wondering where my place is. Wondering why I care that I don't feel like I have one.
I am, have always been, a loner of sorts. Not to say that I don't have friends or don't need people, I do. I really do. But, even as a kid, I always went off and played by myself. Being part of the pack bored me, it felt like I was missing out on something. I don't know if that makes any sense. Now, that's not to say I feel like my friends are a waste of time. They save my life, every single day. The ones that I still have, anyway...but that's another story. But I've never needed to be liked by everyone. I just needed that tiny handful of friends that get me. That understand it when I quote Star Wars or order my food in an Indian accent or laugh out loud over something stupid that happened two months ago. I just, I don't have that anymore and it's lonely. They all have their own networks now, in different cities, in different schools.
Without me.
And I mean, I'm okay with being by myself. I'm good at it. I savor being alone sometimes, really. But I guess, I just hate feeling like this. Wanting to fit in but not wanting to. I don't understand it. And I don't know how to make anyone else understand why I don't want to go bowling. Or to Waffle House with thirty other people. Or where ever.
And I've been telling myself it's just been a slow start because of my feet. I still can't really get around all that well so I don't really feel up for adventures just yet. And I'm hoping, really hoping, that's it.
I just want to click with someone. Someone who likes Lord of the Rings and culture and Coldplay. Well, they don't have to. But just someone I can talk to and not feel like they're getting tired of me.
And, don't get me wrong. I have an awesome roommate who is so, so sweet. We have a ton in common and she's just really cool. But I didn't go into this expecting to be best friends with her. All I prayed for was for her to be clean and nice, and she has exceeded those requests. But I just don't feel like we'll ever be, like, inseparable. Which is totally fine, I wasn't hoping for that at all. She has her own friends here and a life. And I'm...working on it. I also have one friend who's in one of my classes each day. She's so kind and giving and she seriously inspires me in so many ways. But she's so...social. And I'm just not. I feel like she knows the name of everyone on campus and I'm just like, "....."
And, again, please don't think I'm some kind of awkward freak who doesn't like people or want friends. But I just feel different. In a way that is lonely sometimes. In a way that makes it hard to feel like I'm truly got by other people sometimes.
I don't know if any of this makes sense. I don't even know what I want or am asking for. I just want to stop feeling like this. Like something's wrong with me. Like I have this wall up that I don't know how to take down. Or like I'm not in the right place. And also, please don't think that I think I'm better than everyone else and on some other, higher level. That is just so stuck up and pretentious and I can't stand anyone thinking that of me. That's not how it is at all. I just feel... different.
But I will end on a good note by saying that living on my own is amazing. I love going places and not having to tell anyone where I'm going. I love staying out until one am if I feel like it. I love buying ice cream from Wawa's and not hearing anything about it from my father. It is perfect.
I'll take what I can get.