So this is my life and I'm going to be okay. I'm going to be better than okay. In fact, so beyond okay. So much better than any okay I could've possibly imagined on my own. I'm learning more and more every day that God's got me. That He's got this, all of this. It seems like such an elementary lesson to learn...like, duh, Sarah. Of course God's got this. Where've you been? But it's a big deal for me. It's a big deal for me to finally, truly, with-all-of-my-heart be trusting God. With everything. Not just saying I do, not just hoping I do. But really realizing that He has the best for me. That He's going to take care of me. That His plans are good. So, so good. Again, it seems so basic and simple. But it's...it's taken a long time. And I'm nowhere near finished. I'm still afraid sometimes. Inside, I still see so much work that needs to be done. Inside, I'm still very much that little girl that's waiting...just waiting, dreading, for it all to be ripped away from her. Still thinking of all that can go bad, of all that can be lost. Because I've come so close, so many times. I've come so close to losing so much. So, it's...it's almost like a reflex now. A gritted teeth kind of bracing yourself. Hoping it won't happen, but being tensed up just in case it does. It's fear. And it's something that I'm giving, slowly but surely, up to Him. Some days more than others, but every day.
But I love looking back, even just over the past year, and seeing how much has changed for the better. I love seeing all that's fallen into place, that's changed, that's grown, or been broken off. I love liking where I am, how far I've come, how far He's brought me. I love looking back and saying, "Yes, Lord. I see why it happened like this, because if that hadn't happened, this never would have. I see it now." It brings me such joy, such peace, to know that God is leading me, gently. That He has never, ever let me go and that He's using everything, everything to shape me.
Again, this all seems so simple. Like such a small step. I can't explain why it's been such a huge journey for me. But it has been.
Also, random, but there's something so beautifully incredible about realizing that God hears your prayers. Every single one. He was listening that whole time. To every word. Every single cry of your heart. For comfort, for things to work out, for your future spouse. Everything. He was listening to you. That's...that's just so awesome to me. That He cares so much to not just hear me out, but to actually give me those desires of my heart that I talked with Him about. He loves me so much, so much that He's going to meet my every need. Work absolutely everything out according to His will, which is the absolute best way for things to go.
Ahhhh. I'm just a little kid sometimes. Still so wide-eyed and in awe of, still so surprised by those things that should be, well, obvious. There's so much to learn. So much to catch with these open, outstretched hands. And I'm so excited. So, so excited.
Maybe I'm predictable. But, here, a list of, well, random things that have made up my life in the past few months/weeks:
-Coldplay. So much Coldplay. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh <3 <3 <3 <3
-Whipped cream. That's one of my favorite parts of making people's drinks. It's like a special treat when they ask for whipped cream. I can't explain it, I just love spraying it. The shhhh noise it makes. And I actually really like it on my lattes, the whipped cream kinda mixes with the foam, it's just...boss.
-Graphic tees from the boys section at Target. They have better ones, so I buy them.
-Driving around. It wastes gas. But I do my best thinking in the car. It's a good prayer time too.
-Oh, um. Twitter. I got one. It was really fun and cool for like three days. Now it's just another thing to check on my phone when I'm waiting in line at Starbucks.
Hmmm. I guess that's it. My life's pretty boring. I'm a tad disappointed that I don't have any really cool stuff to add to the list. But eh, it's cool. I'm just living my life.
"Questions of science, science and progress, do not speak as loud as my heart..."
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